He stood in
the rows of books balancing a huge tower of novels with little to no effort. I
looked at him in awe while he carefully and orderly inserted book after book to
its rightful place. His patience above anything was what really touched my
heart. I suddenly got nervous that he would look at me and enquire if I needed
any help. I wouldn’t want to disturb him in his task if my feet was on fire. So
I grabbed a book at random from the shelf and kept observing him from the
corner of my eye. This was disturbingly unsatisfying since I wasn’t wearing my
contacts and outside my glasses could catch little detail. So I setteled for
listening to his controlled movements and trying to wrap my mind around his scent.
He was a
tall handsome guy with immaculate taste in clothing. Subtle and stylish without
screaming for attention. I looked at him as he walked away. I could feel my
cheeks burn as I caught myself looking at his ass. Hey, its not my fault, it
happened to be a very nice ass. His hair was closely cut and usually I would
prefer the long tanged hair. But on him the close cut was gorgeous. He wore
simple glasses, and had a serious look on his face, as though he felt old or
was concentrating really hard on something. After he put most of the books in
place he stopped sometwhere in the middle. He turned the book over and read the
back. Then he carefully set the remaing stack down and opened the book. He read
the first pages slowly and turned them almost with a caress. His nails were
slightly long and would definielty have me put off on anyother guy. But again,
on him it just seemed to be right. Every thing fell into place on him. Even his
blinking seemed to follow a perfect pattern and I bet that if I could hear his
heartbeat, that would sound like the sweest symphony. My heart would make a
fitting subwoofer for a rave at the rate it was going. I had started to sweat
and I prayed, yet again that he wouldn’t notice me staring. After he excamined
the first pages which usually contained publisher and stuff like that he read
the first page of the first chapter, then he opened the book somewhere in the
middle and read a couple of sentences. He nodded pleased and let a small smile
play over his face. I so desperately wanted to know what the page said to make
him smile like that. I wanted to be able to say something that would make him
smile like that. Looking at him I thougth it to be impossible that I would ever
reach his level. Still a girl is allowed to dream, isn’t she. My worst fears
was answered when he looked up and noticed me standing at the other end of the
row. In vain I summoned up all the sense and precance I had left, which wasn’t
much I may add, and tried to calm myself. With every step that he got closer
the dizzier I felt. At this rate I’ll faint before he reaches me I thought.
Yep, I’m gonna faint, bye cruel world, sayounara. Damnit, all I wanted to do
was to quietly observer a cute guy in the library. Standing in a corner just
minding my own business. What had I done to deserve this humiliation of him
talking to me and forcing me into a situation where the only thinkable result
would be me making a fool out of myself. No doubt that he was out of my league
and no doubt that he saw and acknowledged this fact. ‘Ok, mister’ my
desperation turned into feist and I straightened my back. It was millimetres of
difference on the outside, and lightyears on the inside. I had stepped into a
whole nother world, I was a queen here, I was a goddess. I was amazing in all
my oozy smelly sweatiness, my slightly awkward clothing style that was close to
going somewhere, but just not quite hitting the target. My hairy legs, bad skin
and strange hairdo. I’m cool, I’m ok. ‘You ok?’ he said as if reading my
thoghts, ‘can I help you with something?’ he had a friendly tone and a soft
comforting voice. I really felt like he honestly wanted to help me. ‘You know,’ he put his elbow on the shelf
and leaned in as if telling me a secret ‘ we
have a excellent dinosaour section right on the other side here’ I surprised myself with a loud giggle, put my
hand up to my mouth to cover my smile, coughed and braced myself ‘Really?’ I
looked at him with a put on serious face ‘tell me more of this treasure’ ‘You see, they try to hide them among the
kids books. If they didn’t, there would be absolute chaos. Do you know what
black Friday is?’ there it was, I lost my cool, giggling like a schoolgirl.
He kept on going ‘only a few people know
about this, I trust you to treat this information with care.’ ‘I wouldn’t
want be responsible for people dying in a book frenzy’ I nodded thoughtfully ‘there you go, you got it. Ok so this stays
between you and me. I could loose my job you know’
Before he
reached the end of the sentence I had asked him out for coffee in about ten
different ways, went to the movies with him, had sex and tried 5 different
positions, bought a cabin and lived out our lives in peace and happiness. He
paused and looked at me with a curious expression. I blinked away the dreams
and put the book I had forgot I had in my hands back in place. ‘Well ok, thank
you’ I said ‘ appreciated’ and with a comic salute I started to walk away. He
looked a bit surprised but didn’t try to stop me. I guess that’s not the usual
response he would get. I bet guys like that are used to girls swarming around
them until they decided that the conversation was over. How ever, the moment
before he approached me, I had transformed into a queen. A smelly awkward one,
but still a queen. I didn’t want something offered to 10 girls before me and 10
more girls to come. I didn’t mind watching him from a distance, but I didn’t
want that kind of heat, I didn’t need that kind of heartbreak in my life. I
resumed to breathe in the magic of the library and soon I didn’t even care if
he had followed me with his pretty eyes as I had walked away from his charms
like his jedi tricks had no power over me.
After a
little while still, I started to miss him of course. I missed the conversations
we could have had, I missed having his eyes focused on me, I missed his smell.
I felt a violent desire rise in me and I was sweating again. I grabbed a book
and sat down by a table. Furtunately it was a philosophy book and it manage to
grab my attention enough for me to stop the pulsating warm sensation between my
legs.
A familiar
sent woke me up from my deep dive into the words of the book. A chill went
trough my body and the warmth returned. Somewhat annoyed I rubbed my legs
together and sighed. Goddamnit. I ruffled my hair with my hand and scratched a
undefined spot somewhere on my arm to try to get rid of the discomfort. Ok,
enough. I took a deep breath and tried to find that place again where I
actually had some control over my body. That’s when I became aware that someone
was sitting a chair down from me. I felt the nausea hitting me again. He had
gathered a new tower and somewhere in the middle a flat a3 sized kids book
about dinosaurs. Great. Fucking great.
Half an
hour later he was commenced in drawing. With thick black vivid strokes he
jolted down the outline for a pretty scary monster dinosaur.
Great.
Fucking. Great.
Another
half an hour later still, he got up from his seat, balancing the tower with one
hand slipping me the drawing with the other as he passed me by.
Just.
Great.
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