15 037. Eyes

‘Perhaps it’s something about the eyes’ I said and gave it a long good thinkthrough. Most people have a type, a put together image of what likes and dislikes varying in clarity. Some would be very specific and say tall blond guy with this and that haircut and add any number of attributes physical aswell as personal. I used to find it kinda funny answer that question. What is my type. And I’d pick a couple of vague things, consciously or subconsciously all connected to the latest flame of mine. But in reality it had little to do with why I fell for them. Its all constructed afterwards, I pick bits and pieces, cherries and paper plates. Its none of that, none of the superficial things. Not even the deeper more philosophical things or needs that need to be met. Its none of that. If its not you, im not having any of it. It could be a man almost identical to you, he could look like you and give me the same sweet and sour treatment. It wouldn’t matter at all. If I knew what it was, that little magical click that makes me fall for you, I would probably spill it. And once I spilled it, it could perhaps be replicated and imitated. If it could be imitated I would lose all trust in me, and we risk it would lead to me not ever letting you get close like that again.

Its not so bad, the thought of living alone you know. Something I fear more is settling with someone I couldn’t love as deeply as I love you.