2 024. No Time

day 2

Some days my mind would drift over my head like a cloud. I would be mercifully detached from my body for a good while, usually when walking around. I can leave my shell and amusingly gaze down on it. ‘Look at it go’ I’d think. The same way I would watch the people around me, as if I had no implication or influence over what was going on around me. I was just a cloud, a mere mist hovering above this body because, well… because where else would I go. What possible effect could I have on other peoples lives.

Whenever I got that feeling it was almost certain to be accompanied by a painfully pressing inspiration. It might be the lightness, the defiance of gravity, the shifts I felt time doing or the fact that the more I disconnected from my body and others, the closer I felt to them. I could feel their hardships and their happiness in a much clearer way, without it being distorted by my own troubles. I would get swept up by this feeling and suddenly, without warning the cup would overflow. I fled the school area and hurried to find a bench to sit down on . A light mist was covering the area and a strange kind of dusty rain that wasn’t really rain floated in the air. It couldn’t be helped tho, I had to write and it had to be now.
Rushing towards the bench I tried to hold back the stream of words that was about to burst out of me. I felt the same kind of panic when your in a desperate need of a toilet. ‘Have to hold it back’ was the words repeating in my head to keep the others from spilling out. Once I let it come, there was no stopping it, and I had no way of recreating the same stream.

As soon as I got up from the bench and started walking, my mind would again drift and flutter. With increasing turbulence I knew I had to find a better place to keep writing. I headed for the café I usually go to. In a fast pace, the panic washing over me once again, I rushed forward. I didn’t have time nor patience to get blocked or distracted. I prayed that no one would approach or try to stop me. Once at the café I felt slightly relieved. However the queue was just unbearable. As I stood there, loose words quivered and flickered forming sentences, regrouping and forming something else. Metaphors was created and dissembled. I couldn’t keep up, I simply could not keep up. So I turned abruptly and stomped away from the place. I didn’t mind paying for being allowed to sit down and spend some time there, however we did not have time to spare for queuing. We didn’t have time to stand around and let good words get wasted.
Once I reached the library and found a nice corner to sit in all the words had vanished. They casually floated away in all thinkable directions at once and what could I do other than just watch them go. That’s great. Just great.