31 053. Keeping a Secret

Everything is fire.

I burned, I burned, I burned under the thick layer covering me. I burned. It would swallow me and leave my bones. Only my bones. Next time you see me, I wont be there anymore. I will bring with me the three minutes of fire it took to eradicate all life inside of me. I will show you how my landscape got covered in thick burning lava. I will show you how it happened. How my soul got buried alive. I will come to you 10 nights and I will leave little pieces of my heart with you in your dreams. You can hold them if you like, but it wont comfort them. Its too late for that. You should have held me. No matter, never mind that.

When we meet I will have my cloud of ash with me. There I will hide and there will the bones of my soul rest.

If I sing of love again, it will be an echo a wind carried from the past.

I don’t know if its true that I loved you. I cant say that for sure. What I have now, the second past me and the second future me and this second me, we are close to identical. We are stone. Scattered bones in a cloud of ash. Everything is so dark here. But darkness is all we know. When the winds blow of the past, my eyes get covered with ash and I cant see. My ears get filled with ash and I cant hear. My mouth get covered with ash and my lips will never kiss you again. 

 I just wanted to make a joke that’s all. I hadn’t intended anything specific with it. It wasn’t a ‘move’ or a ‘play’. It was just me being a dumbass that’s all. Nothing to worry about. I didn’t intend to start a war with her. I didn’t want to steal his attention away from her. Whatever the fuck was going on here, I didn’t want any part of it. Not only did I regret it because it gave her a perfect opportunity to insult me with silence. I regretted how it might have made me seem like a desperate attention seeker. Now I all I wanted to do was to reject that image in all the ways that I could. I stopped glancing his way, just because I feared that I would have her eyes on me. I’m not gonna get in the middle of some romance drama or what they are up to. She certainly seemed interested in him. So when he spoke to me, I got scared. I got scared that it would increase her hostility against me. And I was right. 

But before it got to that he said “Do you like dinosaurs?”