11 033. Expectations

He stood in the rows of books balancing a huge tower of novels with little to no effort. I looked at him in awe while he carefully and orderly inserted book after book to its rightful place. His patience above anything was what really touched my heart. I suddenly got nervous that he would look at me and enquire if I needed any help. I wouldn’t want to disturb him in his task if my feet was on fire. So I grabbed a book at random from the shelf and kept observing him from the corner of my eye. This was disturbingly unsatisfying since I wasn’t wearing my contacts and outside my glasses could catch little detail. So I setteled for listening to his controlled movements and trying to wrap my mind around his scent.

He was a tall handsome guy with immaculate taste in clothing. Subtle and stylish without screaming for attention. I looked at him as he walked away. I could feel my cheeks burn as I caught myself looking at his ass. Hey, its not my fault, it happened to be a very nice ass. His hair was closely cut and usually I would prefer the long tanged hair. But on him the close cut was gorgeous. He wore simple glasses, and had a serious look on his face, as though he felt old or was concentrating really hard on something. After he put most of the books in place he stopped sometwhere in the middle. He turned the book over and read the back. Then he carefully set the remaing stack down and opened the book. He read the first pages slowly and turned them almost with a caress. His nails were slightly long and would definielty have me put off on anyother guy. But again, on him it just seemed to be right. Every thing fell into place on him. Even his blinking seemed to follow a perfect pattern and I bet that if I could hear his heartbeat, that would sound like the sweest symphony. My heart would make a fitting subwoofer for a rave at the rate it was going. I had started to sweat and I prayed, yet again that he wouldn’t notice me staring. After he excamined the first pages which usually contained publisher and stuff like that he read the first page of the first chapter, then he opened the book somewhere in the middle and read a couple of sentences. He nodded pleased and let a small smile play over his face. I so desperately wanted to know what the page said to make him smile like that. I wanted to be able to say something that would make him smile like that. Looking at him I thougth it to be impossible that I would ever reach his level. Still a girl is allowed to dream, isn’t she. My worst fears was answered when he looked up and noticed me standing at the other end of the row. In vain I summoned up all the sense and precance I had left, which wasn’t much I may add, and tried to calm myself. With every step that he got closer the dizzier I felt. At this rate I’ll faint before he reaches me I thought. Yep, I’m gonna faint, bye cruel world, sayounara. Damnit, all I wanted to do was to quietly observer a cute guy in the library. Standing in a corner just minding my own business. What had I done to deserve this humiliation of him talking to me and forcing me into a situation where the only thinkable result would be me making a fool out of myself. No doubt that he was out of my league and no doubt that he saw and acknowledged this fact. ‘Ok, mister’ my desperation turned into feist and I straightened my back. It was millimetres of difference on the outside, and lightyears on the inside. I had stepped into a whole nother world, I was a queen here, I was a goddess. I was amazing in all my oozy smelly sweatiness, my slightly awkward clothing style that was close to going somewhere, but just not quite hitting the target. My hairy legs, bad skin and strange hairdo. I’m cool, I’m ok. ‘You ok?’ he said as if reading my thoghts, ‘can I help you with something?’ he had a friendly tone and a soft comforting voice. I really felt like he honestly wanted to help me. ‘You know,’ he put his elbow on the shelf and leaned in as if telling me a secret ‘ we have a excellent dinosaour section right on the other side here’  I surprised myself with a loud giggle, put my hand up to my mouth to cover my smile, coughed and braced myself ‘Really?’ I looked at him with a put on serious face ‘tell me more of this treasure’ ‘You see, they try to hide them among the kids books. If they didn’t, there would be absolute chaos. Do you know what black Friday is?’ there it was, I lost my cool, giggling like a schoolgirl. He kept on going ‘only a few people know about this, I trust you to treat this information with care.’ ‘I wouldn’t want be responsible for people dying in a book frenzy’ I nodded thoughtfully ‘there you go, you got it. Ok so this stays between you and me. I could loose my job you know’

Before he reached the end of the sentence I had asked him out for coffee in about ten different ways, went to the movies with him, had sex and tried 5 different positions, bought a cabin and lived out our lives in peace and happiness. He paused and looked at me with a curious expression. I blinked away the dreams and put the book I had forgot I had in my hands back in place. ‘Well ok, thank you’ I said ‘ appreciated’ and with a comic salute I started to walk away. He looked a bit surprised but didn’t try to stop me. I guess that’s not the usual response he would get. I bet guys like that are used to girls swarming around them until they decided that the conversation was over. How ever, the moment before he approached me, I had transformed into a queen. A smelly awkward one, but still a queen. I didn’t want something offered to 10 girls before me and 10 more girls to come. I didn’t mind watching him from a distance, but I didn’t want that kind of heat, I didn’t need that kind of heartbreak in my life. I resumed to breathe in the magic of the library and soon I didn’t even care if he had followed me with his pretty eyes as I had walked away from his charms like his jedi tricks had no power over me.

After a little while still, I started to miss him of course. I missed the conversations we could have had, I missed having his eyes focused on me, I missed his smell. I felt a violent desire rise in me and I was sweating again. I grabbed a book and sat down by a table. Furtunately it was a philosophy book and it manage to grab my attention enough for me to stop the pulsating warm sensation between my legs.

A familiar sent woke me up from my deep dive into the words of the book. A chill went trough my body and the warmth returned. Somewhat annoyed I rubbed my legs together and sighed. Goddamnit. I ruffled my hair with my hand and scratched a undefined spot somewhere on my arm to try to get rid of the discomfort. Ok, enough. I took a deep breath and tried to find that place again where I actually had some control over my body. That’s when I became aware that someone was sitting a chair down from me. I felt the nausea hitting me again. He had gathered a new tower and somewhere in the middle a flat a3 sized kids book about dinosaurs. Great. Fucking great.

Half an hour later he was commenced in drawing. With thick black vivid strokes he jolted down the outline for a pretty scary monster dinosaur.

Great. Fucking. Great.

Another half an hour later still, he got up from his seat, balancing the tower with one hand slipping me the drawing with the other as he passed me by.

Just. Great.