26 048. Childhood

I protested when she told me her plans. ‘That’s very dangerous’ I said. I had asked her not to, as far as I could ask her anything. ‘I mean, I can’t tell you what to do’ she didn’t listen. She didn’t need me to tell her I couldn’t tell her what to do. Just as little as the sun could tell the flower not to grow to fast, so that it wouldn’t die too soon. ‘What is too soon’ she would have said with a displeased frown. ‘What the fuck do you know about my life. Your not here every day to go through the minutes with me. What do you know about my pain’ I said nothing and only wished in vain that she would change her mind. She had seemed fine when I left her. She always seemed fine. I would leave her sleeping soundly wrapped up in her dreams. I would leave her happily panting. I would leave her with a piece of text or with colours floating in her mind. I would leave her with the warmest of promises already fulfilled as the connection was cut.

These things lasted for a good while, but the ashes would turn on them too. And off she went; she seemed to have been making an effort to speed up the time of intersection and slingshot herself further away from me. She had made up her mind and there was no way I could slow her down without crashing into her.

‘Quiet’ she said pressing her finger up against her lips. The lava floated out and seemed to have no end. I sat and watched it cover the lands, the garden, swallowing the trees burning up their crowns, hissing over the oceans. I watched and she stared into my eyes as hers went black. Where it once had been green mixed with blue and browns like a autumn park, turned red and finally black. All black. She kept her finger against her mouth and I felt as if it was mounted on my lips, keeping them closely sealed. My eyes teared up and I cried. For the first time in years I actually cried. Tears streamed down my face as if clearing my eyes from the black drowning hers. And it did clear me. All that had been building up, every single dark thing was flushed out. My oceans were clear, the clouds in my skies once again was just water gatherings. Nothing was threatening; it all seemed to have its place. The storms I had feared cleared up and became one long ripple along the ocean floor. While she grew increasingly darker, I cleared up and my body got lighter. She plummeted towards the pits of darkness and I shot up to soar in weightless light. 3 minutes later and she just smiled still. The whole time she smiled. I forgot what I wanted to say. I forgot what we had been talking about. I forgot where we had been, what we had been, and she just smiled. When it ended she smiled as if she was painfully aware of what I had become oblivious of. And I couldn’t understand why she was suffering so. As she blinked the eyes got their colour back. Slowly she lifted her eyelids but I felt like her eyes was fixated on me the entire time, simultaneously she wasn’t there once they met mine again. And just like that. With a slow blink of her eye. She was gone.